I always thought

Lying on the floor, hysterically crying was for people in movies, that or really pathetic people. But then it happens. No one runs in, stops you or saves you. No heroes or heroines here. You cry, try to kill yourself, kick shit around and scream. Finally, you either calm down or you fall asleep. You either wake up blank or you sit and stare at a wall for a few hours, shake yourself off and wake up; blank.
So I sit here, feeling, well... Empty. I'm sick and I should be drinking or eating, but instead I throw up.
My whole 2007 is happening all over again, nearly. But this time, where there was two people to e-support me, there is none. Here I sit, wishing Matthew wasn't screaming at me, and that Dean would say something, anything. Do you know what it's like to watch someone you can't help, become empty, Blogspot? I now see, what it is like, to watch someone slip away, while you remain helpless, and yet I still do this all, to myself. I spoke to an online doctor a few hours ago, and I was told that as soon as my mother gets home, I need to go straight to hospital. He told my mum, too, so I most likely will end up going there.
And shit, I just bled on the velvet green couch fuck fuck fuck that isn't going to come out oh god fuck fuck shit fuck now I'm really dead oh god--my phone's ringing.
'Kay, sso let's not answer private numbers today, and- STOP FUCKING CALLING ME.
Bah. Now I can't blawg.