Wednesday.

Ugh, so yesterday I had work.
Felt like suuuch a whore, my plans were to see Indie in the morning, Jords at lunch and Sai after work. I shouldn't feel like a whore, but I do, fucking hell.
So, Indie and I spoke on the bus, breifly, after exchanging shy glances and little smiles, all cutesy and whatnot. Indie really is lovely, fairly sure he's gay though, tbh.

So yeah, sat around at work, had my Wednesday morning D&M with Miss Steph Luff, was nice. Lachie Naulty came in with Miles Philip and I got hugs from them. Yaaay,
Ben Baxter came in, had a rage about how he's going to kill Zayden while I sat there meekly. Told me I was 'young, single and hot' and how 'if he had a vagina and were in the same situation, he'd be such a whore' :/
I WOULD REALLY LIKE SEX TOO, OKAY.

Yeah, waited anxiously until quarter to 2, and sent Jordan a text.
"I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and say you're not coming...?"
And fuck, he facebook'd me back, facebook! Honestly.
Saaadface. :(
He did drop me off my hoodie and one of his shirts, though. So I got kisses. And had to wrestle him off while Gez (the boss) sat in his office and OOOOOOOOOHHH LOOOOOVVVVEEEEERRRRRSSSS'd us. x)

But yeah, I'm really seriously wondering if this is worth it.
Sex? Yeah. Love? I'm not thinking so.
Fuck, over the past six months, people I even mildly like, ffs, have fucked me around? Zayden, Jack, Nikita, Sai, Jordan... I'll save myself the embarrassment of the rest of the list. >_>
(I may or may not have crushed on Dale Lee a bit)

All I want is someone to be affectionate with, someone who will drop everything for me and always choose me over everyone else. Someone to call my own and be proud to. Someone I don't mind sharing everything with, to have the best talks with, to sit at home, to go out, to get dressed up, to embarrass, to take silly photos with. To have a reason not to cut myself again, a reason to breathe and keep breathing.
All I want is to be in love and it's not happening.