exorcizing some demons, chillen'.

this is currently what i've been holding back. the things i will never be able to say out loud to your faces. if anyone wants names i'd be happy to give them to you.

#1.
this is the 'fuck you' i want to scream at you every time i see you. how could you fucking do this to me, after everything we went through? i hope the fucking world knows how you treated me and what you did.
i went to hell and back more than once for you, and you give me this. you were never once faithful to me. and now you've gone back to her. you are the most vile and pathetic excuse for a human being. yes, i admit i was fucked up. but you don't 'love' someone and do what you did. you've ruined me for everyone else, i'm not normal anymore. i can't cope in a relationship. i hurt everyone that gets close to me now.
and i miss you, love.

#2.
i've started to hate you. i don't know why.
for the record, i only went behind your back once and i had reason to. i will miss you when you leave. i wish you'd talk things out with me, just so maybe we could have a little bit of closure; i know it seems silly now but it will help you in the future. you're a good person and i'm sorry for what i did to you but you did have ample warning. you didn't deserve any of it.
i am so very sorry.

#3.
if i hadn't of left, i would have been with you. i love you so much, you have no idea how much you mean to me. i know things are difficult, and i have no idea if you'll ever see this or not, but i think about you every day. i check your blog all the time, even though you barely ever post on it. they two days i spent with you when you holidayed here were amazing. i wish one of us hadn't left.

#4.
i still can't believe you chose her over me. end of story. you said it yourself, she's not as good looking, she hasn't got much personality and you prefer me. you ruined my relationship and then you walked out on me. i would have moved there for you. cunt.

#5.
you're a pathetic excuse for a human being, how could you do that to your own flesh and blood? i hope you die alone and when you come crawling back i won't be here.